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janice benthin


When the knocking doesn’t stop, I admit my first instinct is to pull the covers over
my head. 

 

Hide. 

 

Fight or flight. Hardly anyone talks about the other less well-known F word - ‘freeze’. That’s my style. 

 

Yes, it is ironic here, now. 

 

But. 

 

What if someone is hurt? What if there is a hurt person out there pounding on my door looking for help. What if they freeze to death on my doorstep? How would I feel then? Me hiding under the covers while some poor soul suffers and dies because… 

 

What if it’s exactly what it sounds like, something bad happened up there on the roof. 

 

Something big and bad jumped down and now it’s at my door trying to get in. 

 

What if all of this isn’t just superstition? What if there really is an angry ghost child, a pissed off toddler with superpowers haunting this house and trying to get back in. 

 

It could be a polar bear out there. There are bears. Big ones.

 

Would a bear knock? 

 

Would a toddler knock?

 

I wrap the duvet around me, stumble to the door in the dark, stubbing my toe on the dresser and bashing my knee on the coffee table. I use my little watch light to find the first door handle. The dial says 2:46. I’m through the first door and into the ‘air lock’. It’s colder in here, and I hope that I left the inside door unlocked when I came through. 

 

Now I hear stomping. The knocking stops. 

 

I unlock the outside door. 

 

 It won’t open. It’s stuck. I struggle with it, push and push but the door doesn’t budge. 

 

I’m trapped!

 

And bang, it flies open and swings in so fast I’m almost knocked on my ass. 

 

And what to my wondering eyes should appear? 

 

A monster!

 

One glowing green eye. Blinding me. Looking straight at me. Long thin, black claws poking out from all over its body. Stomping its feet. Breathing heavily.  

 

“Here, take this” the monster hands me a boom pole. Steps inside. Turns its green eye away from me so I’m not blinded for a moment and I can see how it pulls a band from one of its back pouches. I’m blinded again when the monster turns back to me and puts the band around my head. 

 

Gentle hands. Tightens it to fit just right. Flips a switch. 

 

And now I can see. 

 

I have my own green eye and it’s Nate the sound guy that I’m looking at. I recognize his face from the information pack I got on the way up. I am not alone or in the dark anymore. I look at his almost familiar face and I’m in love. 

 

Well, maybe not exactly that last part about love, but truthfully also, that is what I’m feeling right now. I love this light that he brought; I love not being alone. I love his kind, human face. And I love Nate too, but probably it’s just right now in this moment. I suspect I’ll have to get to know him better, see if his shit really does smell like roses, to find out if this is true forever love and not just another infatuation. 

 

How I miss the way you and I used to joke about puppy love. 

 

“Sorry to disturb you, Pieter is still back at the hotel, and we can’t really do much camera wise until the power comes on, but I thought I’d come over, do what I can, get myself set up and be ready. Maybe pick up a bit of wild sound…You okay?” 

 

I must look like a deer in the headlights. Kind of literally. There is some basic information that I want to know before this budding relationship goes any further. I stop to look at the dial on my watch. 2:49. What does that even mean? I ask Nate, “Is it day or night?” 

 

Something happens in Nate’s eyes. The expression on his face changes. 

 

“Are you hungry? I always keep some aged cheese and pilot biscuits in my kit when we’re up north,” he’s digging around in his pouches again, “I like your watch.”

 

“It’s an old scuba watch, good to 100 feet. I’ve never been that deep. They have computers now, but I’m sentimental about this watch. Runs on a battery. My phone is dead.”

 

“So, you’re a diver. Did you know there is a legend up here about Marble island? You have to crawl out of the water on your hands and knees, from the deep, that’s the only way you can get onto the island.”

 

Nate pulls out a big hunting knife, he uses that knife to carve delicate slices of orange cheese. He points the knife right at me. “Taste this, it’s Mimolette, like a cheddar, but aged way longer, keeps better, more condensed food value and flavour.”

 

The fancy cheese melts in my mouth. Fills it with rich deliciousness. I am starving. It’s afternoon. Nate wouldn’t be knocking on my door in the middle of the night. Even if he imagined that I was in love with him. Even if he was in love with me too. Not without an invitation. I can tell already, that’s the kind of guy he is. That means I haven’t eaten all day. I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. That’s why I’m so hungry. 

 

How did he know that cheese is my favourite. 

 

I won’t talk about the pilot biscuits. They are not my favourite. 

 

Okay, I might not be in love for real. But I do really like this guy already, despite the pilot biscuits.

 

I want him to like me too.

 

So, I’m happy to see his two brown eyes, with golden flecks, light up and twinkle just  the way yours used to do, as I touch his arm and say, “Let me tell you, I did hear some pretty wild sounds just before you got here.”

Anni : : 

 

‘I made that skirt he had on. Someone pinched the thread from Woolworth’s and plenty of needles on the streets’.

‘Really.’ 

‘Used to be a seamstress. For a big department store. Got rid of me when I couldn’t keep up with all the work and brought in a company with a lot of women – and men. You’re only a payslip away from the street.’ 

‘You know I once heard a friend of my mum’s saying that.’

‘You had a mum then?’

‘And a dad.’

‘Never?’

Am I ready for this? She knows  though and we go for a stroll. A few people look. I feel like we’re on one of those funny birthday cards. But she’s quiet. Waiting. The silence is waiting for me to step in.’

‘And a husband.’  After this revelation she rushes in and makes it easier then.

‘Me too. John.’

‘So why did you leave?’

‘It was ok for a while then he was made redundant too. We had a daughter. Katy. After ‘What Katy did’. She loved me reading to her. John’s mum looked after her while I went to look for work because John couldn’t.’ 

‘Why didn’t he look after Katy?’

‘Took away his life see. Like George. Worked in the steel works. His whole life. Lived as if he didn’t need to do anything and it would all come right.’ 

‘Only in fairy tales.’

‘Not in the real fairy tales. No wonder they were called Grimm’s tales. Anyway there was nothing for me either. Not for a seamstress. No-one was buying clothes. I thought they’d need me to make the old ones right. But couldn’t afford it see. Couldn’t afford anything but food. John fell apart, and one day when I came home he wasn’t there. They found him, the police, hanging from a tree in the woods. His mother wouldn’t speak to me. Went to court. Wouldn’t let me see Katy. Said I wasn’t a fit mother.’

‘Angel. Angel.’ 

‘Took to the drink then. All my love, all my grief. Nowhere else to go but to the bottom of that bottle; to the dregs. There’s always a price to pay. Can’t go to the Sally Army – with their rules, so the street’s the only place to get plastered. Me and George.’ 

‘But you haven’t drunk for ages. Not like that.’

 

‘Must be because I know you’re watching. You’re a good influence on me Sal Volatile.’

 

‘And you’re an angel, No Angel.’

 

‘Hah. You’ve never heard me scream.’

 

‘What does screaming do?’

 

‘Keeps me safe. Most of the time.’

 

‘A scream?’

 

‘You haven’t heard mine. Sounds like I’m waking the dead. The devil’s scream.’

 

‘You know the devil then?’

 

‘We all do Sal. We all do’. 

 

‘I’ve got a screaming tunnel too Angel. I’ll show you.’

 

‘How often do you use it?’

‘When I can’t shift one of the photographs in my head’.

Muriel : : 
 

It’s a big change in my life, in our lives really. Joe, the idea of leaving New York and returning to Europe for a while grew slowly in my mind. I did not quite know how to talk about this plan with you. Yes, you are right, my intention is to return to Europe alone and leaving you behind. For a couple of months. Or longer.

Let me tell you what prompted this decision.

 

I have a son. He currently lives in Amsterdam. I gave him up for adoption at birth. He recently turned 40. His grew up in a middle-class family and from what I know his parents have been very supportive. Erin is his name. He has cerebral palsy and is wheelchair-bound. He went to college and much enjoyed student life. He is a writer. Last year, I received an email from a clergyman informing me that Erin wanted to meet his biological mother. I could not get myself to meet him face-to-face, so I sent a friend of mine to meet him in a café in Amsterdam. She much liked him, she found him kind and quite self-assured. I flew out the week thereafter to meet Erin, we spent an entire day together. Feelings of guilt, joy and tenderness collided in my head, yet he re-assured me that he was not angry or resentful. The day ended early with Erin rushing to evening classes. I returned to my hotel and swore I would see him again.

 

Joe, you and I decided to not have children. We both agreed that there was no place for a child in our lives. At the time, our careers were demanding and neither of us felt the world needed more children. I have no regrets although I wonder why we did not speak about our decision more often. I confess that at times I had doubts and felt that our comfortable life was perhaps too predictable and without real challenges. 

 

I miss Erin. Occasionally we communicate via email. His messages are always upbeat and full of hope. Three month ago, he sent me a copy of his first novel. The book is auto-biographical; Part One is all about our encounter in Amsterdam and his inability to truly penetrate his mother’s mind. He talks about his desire to bridge the gap and to get to know me. His words tore me apart, he was reaching out to me and I knew then I wanted to be part of his life. Last month, we agreed I would travel to Europe to be near him. For a couple of months or longer.

 

I did not know how to tell you this. Please understand.

Michael : : 

 

I didn't know how to tell you this.... '

 

cause I'm not actually supposed to know it.

But, see - well, Bella - yeah, - she came over to my place last night.

 

Wait! Wait before you start yelling at me....please.

I didn't invite her - didn't, in fact, have any idea she was gonna show up.

 

I was staying in - as I  promised you. Ordered a piza.....was just reading, vegging....

security guy buzzes me - asked if I was expecting a food delivery. 

 

Told him, 'Yup - send it up please.....'

 

I answered the door and there was Bella.....big smile, holding a pizza box out to me.

 

Yeah - yeah....I know....bloody rude of her.

But - but, she was already here then - and so I asked her , how'd she get my pizza.

She giggled - you know that giggle of hers - giggled and told me she had been downstairs, chatting up Alex - yeah - Alex , the Security guy....pizza delivery comes in, he announces it's for me, she said, 'Hey - yeah - for us - 602, right?'

Guy checked, confirmed - I made to pay, he said no bother....already paid for and he handed it to me'

 

So Alex let her up.`

 

Look - nothing happened.

 

Whaddaya mean, ; 'Sure'. I'm telling you - nothing. happened - at all.'

 

Sorry, what?

 

I couldn't just throw her out - yeah - yeah - I know - you could have. Well - in spite of everything - all the bad shit, all the problems she's caused us, we do have a history, you know.....'

 

Yes, she did. Sortof. 

 

I'm listening.

Uh huh

 

Yes. Yes

 

Well, it was late.

 

"Cause I was watching the fucking clock!

 

'3:30 - about'

 

Well, see - she actually walked out about 3:00 o'clock. I was putting shit away. My phone rang. It was her - she said she must have left her keys here - of course here - in the apartment. I know, for fuck's sake. Yes! 

 

"say what?'

 

'She did - yeah - you got her nailed.

 

Yes - of course I did - what he fuck else was I supposed to do?

 

I got dressed - whaddaya mean, why was I not dressed? 

 

No- we weren't in bed together.....she left I stripped down to get ready for bed and then.....

 

NO - I didn't fuck her!!

 

Yes - yes, she did - she wanted me to. How do I know? I know because she actually asked me to. Yes - as in like a 'farewell fuck'

 

no - I didn't - I mean, we didn't - we didn't - no - nothing NOTHING!

 

'What the fuck is your problem?

 

Nothing happened....maybe I shoulda let it....!

 

Yeah - yeah - right now that's about how I'm feeling! I don't need this shit - I don't deserve this shit.

 

Yeah - maybe we should.

 

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

 

Maybe it's better you just don't know....

 

Good

 

You do that.

I do! Yeah......sure. Same to you.

 

Seeya!

 

Wordcount: 500

Revised May 6, 2023 (Original Sept. 16, 2022)                          

Kim Bartlett                           

Prompt:  Image of a large mirror

Word count: 1,120

 

Mirror, Mirror

Norah was 34 years old. She had been working at "Mirror, Mirror" for 14 years. During that time, she had been promoted from Sales Clerk to Sales Manager but this was irrelevant because her salary increase was minimal and  she was still the one and only employee in the store.  While in high school, she had started at the mirror store part-time and discovered that she had talent in sales, especially sales made over the phone, on account of her beautiful deep voice.

 

The couple (Sylvia and Isaac Hersh) who owned the store, had begged her to stay on after graduation. She could not refuse. They had treated her like a daughter after her mother passed away several years past.  They had no children. 

  

Recently, Norah had seen more of the couple’s aging and more of their need for her. 

Her departure would mean the end of the family business. So, Norah stayed on working at Mirror, Mirror even though she did not like the job. She was accustomed to putting the needs and happiness of others ahead of hers.  With each passing day, she became more convinced that life and love had passed her by.

 

For 14 years Norah had been looking at her reflection in the store mirrors, always the same dreadful features: forehead too high, nose and ears too big and hair too  thin.  How could she be so hideous when her parents had been relatively attractive.  She had taken the worst of the two.

 

Sylvia encouraged her (without success) to join a book club or some other social activity but Norah couldn’t bear seeing the reactions off people when meeting her for the first time. Therefore, her entire social life was having dinner every Thursday evening with Sylvia and Isaac in their flat above the store. After dinner, Lined with shops and services. easy for walkers, Booth Avenue , she saw a long string of orange cones  and pedestrian detour signs.  , She vaguely recalled an announcement on the radio about this work starting.  It took her twice as long as usual to get home.  She made a mental note to leave early for work the next day.

 

                                    _______________________________

 

At first, Norah thought the man was drunk. When the door buzzer went off, she looked through the watched from the back room as he entered the front door, he stumbled and sat down hard on stool they kept up at the front of the store. She turned off the polishing machine and approached the backroom doorway for a peak.  Seeing the white cane, she understood his clumsiness. He looked a bit flustered but he was well-dressed, very handsome (she thought)   tall, broad shoulders, with a bit of silver in his dark hair and beard. Broad shoulders

 

He spoke out clearly "This damned construction really messes me up.” 

 

Isaac who was sitting at his desk behind the counter heard the disembodied complaint and immediately jumped on board with his own rant”.  You tell me, Mister, my business is going to take a hell of a hit! Meanwhile, city taxes are due just like always. Who is responsible for this mess? That is what I want to know.”

Isaac realized that he had forgotten to lock the front door after he came in that morning. He paused his paperwork and said blandly “the store doesn’t open for another fifteen minutes; you’ll need to wait outside”.”

 

Norah watched as Sylvia suddenly appeared, went directly to the man, touching  touched you, Sir?”

 

Isaac came out from behind the counter and as soon as saw the white cane, reset his tone “Good morning, Sir.  my name is Isaac Hersh, this is my wife, Sylvia. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were…um …blind.’” 

 

The man smiled “Stephen Richards, nice to meet you. I do need a bit of help.

I planned to pick up my watch from the shop here on Booth Avenue. They moved the bus stops; the sidewalks are a mess and I’m completely disoriented. My navigator tool is on my watch that is being repaired. I came in here because your door was first one that I found open”. He paused and then turned toward Sylvia: “I wonder, could you or your husband spare a few minutes to come out on the street to orient me, please?”

 

Slowly and in perfect unison, Sylvia and Isaac turned to look at Norah.  She nodded “yes” and stepped forward: “Hello, Mr. Richards. My name is Norah. I’m employed here. Perhaps I can help you.” 

 

At the sound of Norah’s voice, Stephen felt every particle of stress and worry leaving his body and mind.  A heavenly a blend of Ella Fitzgerald, Adele, Kathleen Turner and every other beautiful voice or sound he had ever heard. He stood up and extended his hand in her direction.  They shook hands.  His hand was large and gentle and hers was soft and small. Stephen inhaled deeply and so did Norah. She felt giddy and faint.   

 

“If Isaac and Sylvia will permit me, I can help you get to your watch repair shop. I know exactly where it is.”  Norah giggled (something she rarely did).  Stephen was entranced. He was floating on a cloud.  This wasn’t love at first sight, it was love at first sound and touch.

 

Norah struggled to maintain her composure “Normally it would be a 20-minute walk to get there but with obstacle course. of construction, it will take longer.” 

 

Stephen didn’t intend to say anything but suddenly blurted out “I don’t mind how long it takes.”

 

“Take your time,” said Sylvia

 

“We probably won’t be busy today” added Isaac. As Norah and Stephen stepped out of the store on to the sidewalk, Norah noticed that Isaac was spying on them.from the store.

 

Stephen took Norah’s arm and they began to walk. She seemed to know instinctively how to walk with him, warning him of steps up and down without puling or pushing; she was a natural. 

 

They reached the watch repair shop but Norah knew that he would not let her go yet.  Instead, Stephen walked with her to the front door of the store. Isaac, this time with Sylvia  bolted , from sight when he  saw Norah.

 

 Norah insisted on seeing Stephen onto to the bus.  While they waited, they agreed to have dinner together the following evening.  That seemed like an eternity.

As they stood together smiling and waiting for the bus, Stephen asked “By the way, what is it hat you sell in that store?

 

Norah giggled again, “We sell mirrors.”

“I don’t have much use for mirrors”. Stephen chuckled. 

 

Norah considered how her life had changed so suddenly and miraculously 

“I don’t have much. use for mirrors either.”

An ordinary Pencil

 

In my life I always got the ordinary pencil

So It has not been a riotous explosion of colour

 On a huge and waiting canvas. 

It has more resembled a thin black line 

At the bottom of the pictures crafted by real artists 

Ah, but who knows, that in another life

I might have got the brush with the colours? 

But then again, I can see their works of art from here

 And I hold them in awe and appreciation 

And some of us must needs be the line makers ?

But, If I had my life to do again

I’d demand the biggest box of pencil crayons

The pointy vivid colours standing to attention row on row

Just waiting for creative talents to grab them one by one

Alas, there is no do-over, life is not a dress rehearsal

So paint your own pictures whilst you still can

Mary L.

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